Nowhere But You
by my.name.is.mommy
Summary: Ron's love for Hermione is uninspiring. She is left distraught and confused. A chance meeting and a bit of liquid courage starts up an unlikely relationship from her past. Will it last or is the affection fleeting? Will she revert back to her old ways? And what will happen when a particular bump appears along the way?


**A/U: So this is my little piece of fiction. Thank you for taking the time to read. I know you have a lot of options out there, and your decision to give my story a chance is quite appreciated. All titles and quotes before the chapters are songs that have inspired me in some sort of way. This is un-betaed...so I apologize for that. I am not an English major, just someone who likes to read and write alike.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

**Summary: Ron's love for Hermione is uninspiring. She is left distraught and confused. A chance meeting and a bit of liquid courage starts up an unlikely relationship from her past. Will it last or is the affection fleeting? Will she revert back to her old ways? And what will happen when a particular bump appears along the way?**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER ONE: white blank page.<p>

_"Can you lie next to her_  
><em>And give her your heart, your heart<em>  
><em>As well as your body<em>  
><em>And can you lie next to her<em>  
><em>And confess your love, your love<em>  
><em>As well as your folly<em>  
><em>And can you kneel before the king<em>  
><em>And say I'm clean, I'm clean<em>

_But tell me now, where was my fault_  
><em>In loving you with my whole heart<em>  
><em>Oh, tell me now, where was my fault<em>  
><em>In loving you with my whole heart<em>

_A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage_  
><em>You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink<em>  
><em>You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections<em>

_-mumford & sons-_

* * *

><p>Hermione Granger woke from a start, grasping the covers around her tightly. A pained expression crept over her face as her insides clutched with the dreaded fear that her nightmare had left her with. It was like that. It had been like that since the war, three years ago. Not every night, but just when she thought she was out of the clear, the horrible nightmares would resurface. Flashes of Bellatrix Lestrange shouting out 'CRUCIO', flashes of immeasurable pain, flashes of green light, flashes of death, flashes of fire, flashes of absolute misery.<p>

A sob escaped her lips.

"Hermione?" A throaty voice called for her. Ron Weasley. Her sweet Ron. She had so much love for him. They had slowly started dating after the war. How could they not? After their searing kiss and near death experiences- a romance was inevitable. If it wasn't for the love between two friends, it was the need to survive the grief, the need to hold onto something tangible, the need for an escape. She loved him dearly, and she knew that being with him was how it was supposed to be. They're love was easy. And considering how horrible of a mess the world was in, easy was good.

"Sorry for waking you," Hermione replied in a soft whisper letting go of her weight, and sinking further in the mattress- secretly wishing it would just engulf her whole.

"Nightmare?" He asked as he turned towards her, searching for her eyes in the dark.

"Yes," she breathed not meeting his eyes.

"It's been three years, Mione," he replied- his voice aching in what she hoped was compassion, but knew it was confusion. She was the only one who was still having difficulties sleeping -and even awake she still suffered from the mild panic attack. Of course people understood, and some were more concerned than others. It was unfortunate that Ron fell into the category that didn't quite buy into her everlasting mourning.

"I know," she sighed. She wanted to lay into him and tell him off for making her feel so lowly because of her continuously hard time grasping onto reality. She longed for him to wrap her up, kiss her fears away, and promise her it will be alright- that their love would conquer any ill thoughts. But he didn't.

"Get some sleep. We have brunch in the morning at The Burrow," and he flipped over, punched down his pillow a few times, and fell back to sleep effortlessly.

Instead of sleeping she glared at his messy red hair. If looks could kill at that moment, surely she would be announcing his untimely death at brunch. But after a few minutes of the initial anger she felt, her face softened and she got out of bed. It wasn't Ron's fault that he held the emotional capacity of a caterpillar. But it also wasn't her fault that she couldn't shake the tremors. Why couldn't he just pretend to care? Was it so horrible that she couldn't let go? She loved him beyond words, but she couldn't help feeling that this was it. She wasn't going to get anywhere with Ron. As far as relationships go- this was going to be as deep as it gets. And that thought was bloody scary. She had waited for him to mature, and during the war he seemed to. But since then he seemed to have reverted back to old habits. Maybe with a little more time...

Frustrated. She pushed the thoughts aside and set out to make herself a cup of tea. It was 3 in the morning. She knew she was going to be exhausted at brunch tomorrow, but sleep was out of the question. She did not want to return to her dreams. She turned the kettle on and pulled out a few files from her large tote with the intent of looking over a few last minute changes to one of her contracts for work.

Brunch at The Burrow found her among the cheerful Weasleys. She put on a good face for her extended family. Even though they were just as accustomed to death as she was, their spirits were high. It was hard to not be happy when surrounded by such love, but Hermione always had a hard time the day after one of her nightmares. She just reminded herself to breathe. She didn't want to cause a scene or scare the kids. Ron kept glancing at her nervously, and it made her itch in irritation. Did he really think she was going to break down? Would it be surprising if she did? Probably not.

He had left early that morning. A few passing words, a kiss goodbye, and a promise to see her at his family's house and he was gone through the floo. Strange. They always left together. She had showered and dressed quickly, opting for a pair of snug jeans and a wool maroon jumper. She didn't bother with make up- she hardly did. With a fleeting effort to tame her hair, she braided a few strands and piled it on top of her head...with magic of course. She didn't have the time or patience for her out-of-control locks.

She flooed in two hours after Ron had left. It was about eleven o'clock when she stepped out of the fireplace. She was greeted immediately by all the Weasleys.

"Oh Hermione, you look beautiful as always," Molly had cooed with a loving smile as she stepped out of the fire place.

"So pretty Aunt Minny!" cooed Teddy from the corner where he was playing with his train set.

"Truly a sight for sore eyes, wouldn't you say, Ron?" asked a smirking Ginny as she clutched Harry. The newlyweds shot Ron a knowing smile. Ron blushed and mumbled something under his breath as he reached out for Hermione's hand and led her into the kitchen.

"Whats up with them?" She asked when they got into the kitchen.

"They can't be nice?"

"Of course...I just- I mean it's not like I look anything out of the ordinary," she reasoned a bit perplexed by all the attention. It was like they all knew something she didn't.

"You look beautiful," he responded automatically and kissed her on the cheek. It lacked any conviction.

"Ron" she started wringing her hands nervously, "about last night..."

"Don't worry about it. I fell right back to sleep," he cut her off with a nonchalant wave of his hand.

Hermione frowned. She wasn't about to apologize. She just wanted to talk. Tell him what she was feeling. Merlin, she had all this anxiety bubbling in her ...always! and he never wanted to talk to her about it. It's like the subject of the war was forbidden. Maybe he couldn't handle it. But damn if she needed him to man up and help her. She didn't ask for much after all.

"Ron, I-"

"Can it wait, sweetheart?" He asked pouring themselves a cup of hot tea for both of them. "I have something I want to tell you first."

"I guess," she answered knitting her brows in confusion as he led her back into the family room with the hand he was still holding. She flicked her wand at the tea cups so they would follow them. Everyone was waiting for them... odd. No one was talking. And everyone was there. Molly and Arthur. George, Angelina, and little Fred. Charlie. Bill, Fleur, and Victoire. Percy. Harry, Ginny, and Teddy. And even Luna and Neville Longbottom. They all smiled in her direction, and Ginny sighed softly at Ron. Utterly confused she looked over at Ron to find he was on one knee, looking up at her with a sheepish smile.

Oh hell no.

"Hermione," Ron started squeezing her hand that he was still holding.

Oh hell no, please.

"We've been friends since we were eleven years old," he continued unaware of her growing discomfort, "I always knew that there was something special about you- something that I wasn't going to find in anyone else."

Shit, Merlin, No.

Hermione stole a quick glance at their audience. Everyone was grinning. The ladies were sighing. Molly was hugging her husband -most likely delighted that there was going to be another wedding. She bit her lip wondering what the hell she was going to do. Ron was still going on and on about their time at Hogwarts and how their love was destined from the start. She didn't pay his words any mind though. She wasn't entirely sure- but she had a feeling that he had some help when it came to his undying words of love. A glance of Ginny mouthing the words in unison with Ron proved her suspicion. Then she caught Harry's eyes, and he frowned. No doubt that he saw the worry in his eyes. Embarrassed she looked back down at Ron. He was starring up at her expectantly. The air around them was heavy. After a few moments Ron shuffled his feet and cleared his throat.

"Well?" He asked sure of himself.

"Well what?" she replied knowing what he meant, but needing another second.

Sighing, Ron pulled back the top of the red velvet box. The ring ...the ring, her ring... was beautiful. Simple, a thin gold band with a round diamond in the middle glistened at her. Her hand went to her heart. He smiled thinking that he did right with the jewelry. But really it was to stop it from beating so insanely. She loved Ron. She dreamed of marrying him since she was fourteen! But...she wasn't a little child anymore. Their love was real and easy. But lately she started to notice, that her needs weren't so easy, and too often he was neglecting them. It pained her. She wanted to ignore it. Push it aside. Tell herself that it didn't matter and jump into the arms of the man she was supposedly destined to marry. She closed her eyes and an image of Bellatrix cackling away at her flashed through her memory. Her scar started to itch. Ron always voiced his opinion on her wearing short sleeves... saying that she should hide those nasty words from onlookers. When she opened her eyes, tears were welled up inside of them. When had she given up on Ron? Why had she been stringing him a long for all this time? She pursed her lips and shook her head once to clear the thoughts. She needed some air.

"I need some air," she whispered so softly. As she did, the teacups that she had charmed earlier crashed to the floor, and she ran out

She refused to look at anyone as she made a break for the back door. She threw her weight against it and burst out into the frigid December air. Stumbling down the stairs and through the snow, she let out a small sob as she let the tears fall down her face. There love was easy. It was pure. But was it enough? Would she be able to marry him, hold on to him, stay with him until the years ended. More importantly, would he be able to give to her what she needed? Support, a shoulder to cry on, someone to go to for help without being ignored or chastised. Yes, she was Hermione Granger -brightest witch of her generation, war heroine- but in many way she was still just a girl in the world. Her thoughts were interrupted by the screen door opening and shutting with a force.

"Bloody hell, Hermione. What was that?" Ron yelled taking the necessary steps to stand in front of her. His breath blew out into the cold air and engulfed her. It brought her back to the potion's class where they had brewed Amortentia. She vaguely wondered if she would smell the same things she did then now. Fresh cut grass. Shaking her thoughts away, she sniffed slightly and brought her arms around herself to keep warm. She had hoped that he would comfort first and ask questions later. "Do you know how embarrassing that was for me?"

Hermione laughed. Oh Merlin she ached, but she laughed. To think she expected more of him.

"You're laughing?!" He yelled, wailing his hands about, "I propose to you... in front of my whole family, you run away, and ...and you're laughing!"

"Oh Ron," she sighed letting her deliriousness subside. "Don't you see what I see?"

"What?" He asked, arms crossed -clearly pissed.

"I can't marry you... not now," she said with small smile. When she saw his eyes flash in anger she dropped the smile and sighed again. "If you haven't noticed I am not all that well..."

"What do you mean? Are you sick?" He was confused, and that was okay because Hermione figured as much.

"The nightmares..."

"They're only nightmares, Hermione," He replied haughtily.

"This is what I mean," she explained running a hand over her face. "I love you so so much..."

"Then-"

"But your love for me is only skin deep," she continued interrupting him "The nightmares aren't just nightmares... they are memories, flashes of violence that haunt me with every breath and I can't get rid of them... not when you brush them aside, not when you don't care enough to even ask what they are about..." Tears silently streamed down her face. "There is nothing I want to do more than marry you... have a beautiful wedding, a beautiful life, and beautiful babies with you... but I can't do that when I'm stuck reliving the torture of the war."

"It's been three years," he insisted.

"I know! You keep reminding me!" she yelled back. Why was she even trying?! Her shoulders shrugged in defeat. "I need to go... I can't do this with you. You won't even listen to me. You won't even try."

"I just proposed to you!" Ron grabbed her shoulders. "Do you really think I don't love you?"

"I know you do, Ron," She offered a smile again to no avail, "but it's not the kind of love I need right now. Does that make sense?"

"Hardly."

There was a pause while they both looked at each other. Ron was livid. Nothing she could say would change that. Her heart ached for him. It ached for a better time. But there was always something going on to keep them from each other. "I think I should go," she finally said in a soft whisper. "Maybe you should stay here tonight."

"Keep the flat, I'll get my stuff later- but that's it," he replied turning away from her, hate lacing through his words. She was sad to hear that he didn't even want to try to work things out -not like that was what she wanted. She wasn't exactly sure what she wanted at that point, but seeing him give up so easily ...well it broke her heart- which she guess she deserved since she just broke his. Her hand reached for his, but dropped it at the last minute. Her throat ached as she tried to think of the right words to say, but knew they would fall on deaf ears. So, she turned away and walked back inside the house.

Harry came up to her first. Bless his heart. "Hermione, is everything okay?" He asked wrapping an arm around her. She looked up at him through watery eyes and noticed that everyone was still there. Some of their eyes were cast away not wanting to look. Awkward. She glanced back at Harry and smiled.

"Hardly," She echoed Ron, but there was no malice- just defeat. She tilted her head and looked at Ginny. She looked angry, but she wasn't sure who it was directed too. Ginny was her best girl friend. They had bonded so much after the war and during the months leading up to her and Harry's wedding. Surely she wasn't pissed without an explanation. "I'm so sorry about all of this," she said to all the people there- the people she considered her family- hoping that she wasn't going to lose them, "had I known what was happening...I-"

"I think you should go," came Molly's clipped voice. She had a stern look on her face. Hermione was surprised, but understood. She just broke her son's heart- in front of her too.

"Mum," George called out pleadingly.

"No, it's okay," Hermione said shaking her head and walking towards the floo. "I was just leaving." And then she was gone.

Hermione waited in vain. She knew Ron said he was going to stay at The Burrow. That did not mean that she wasn't upset when he really did not show. She half expected Harry or Ginny to show up... someone to ask how she was. Maybe it was futile of her. She was the one that turned down Ron. Maybe it was obvious that he was the one that needed consoling, not her. Thinking this- she wondered what Ron told them. She wondered if he told them the truth, if he even understood the truth. Was it horrible of her to assume that he probably didn't?

She lifted her head off of the table and banged it back down with some force. She had been sitting in the same position for quite some time now. Her body was stiff. She wanted to move, but her miserable self didn't seem to want to move. Why did she have to be so messed up? Why couldn't she just be okay? Bury the past behind her and move on with her life... her life with Ron.

Shit she was hopeless. It got worse though... because even though her heart ached for Ron, she wasn't heart broken. In a way she felt like a weight had been lifted off of her. She felt rubbish for thinking it though- always putting others before her. Did she not deserve some attention? Did she not deserve to vent her troubles away? Angrily she pulled herself off the couch and headed for the kitchen.

Hermione flung open the cabinets in her kitchen with one thing in mind. Nothing. She rifled through the fridge. Nothing. How is it that there wasn't a single drop of alcohol in the flat?! She grabbed her wand and made her way to the floo. If no one cared about her state of affairs at the moment, that was fine. But she was not going to sit here all alone with her thoughts and a pint of ice cream to console her. No she needed something a bit stronger.

"The Leaky Cauldron!" She shouted out with defiance before green flames abruptly engulfed her whole.

* * *

><p><strong>Until next time.<strong>  
><strong>Ta.<strong>


End file.
